An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he`d been suckered all these years.
Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. “How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?”
“Well,” said the pilot, “it`s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years.”
“I can understand that,” replied the doctor. “But what about the take- off?”
“Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!”
“But once you`re aloft?”
“Oh, everything`s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself.”
“But I still don`t see how you land!”
“Oh, that`s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport`s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, `AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!`, then I will pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!”
A plane takes off with two hours delay.
Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
“Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies:
“Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.”
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?”
The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the zoo.”
“Oh my, which way is it heading?”
“Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”
On a recent flight I was on, this elderly woman kept peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”