The children and grandchildren of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise.
Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser.
He looked at it and said, “Oh, I see you have U.D.”
She replied, “U.D.? Voos is U.D.?”
He said, “U.D. is Upper Deck.”
She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there.
He said, “I see that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C.”
Grandma replied, “O.C.? Voos is O.C.?”
The purser said, “O.C. is Outside Cabin.”
Grandma, needless to say, was delighted.
She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy, and he said, “Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B.”
“Voos is B.I.B.?” asked Grandma.
The cabin boy answered, “B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed.”
“Oh!!!” she said, “My children and grandchildren are wonderful.”
Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed.
She said, “F.U.C.K”
Shocked, they said, “F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?”
To which she replied, “Yes, F.U.C.K…. First U Could Knock!”
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I was on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines.
It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn’t sure how any of the machines operated.
“Excuse me.” I said to a casino employee. “How does this work?”
The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle.
“And where does the money come out?” I asked.
He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, “Usually at the ATM.”
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Mateo wanted to determine if both his wife, Isabella and mistress were faithful to him.
So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other`s behavior.
When his wife, Isabella, returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.
“She slept with nearly every man on the ship,” Isabella reported.
Disheartened Mateo then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife Isabella.
“She was a real lady,” his mistress said.
“How so?” encouraged Mateo asked.
“She came on board with her husband and never left his side.”