Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.
Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“I will tell you the secret of my success,” Grandpa said, “My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
One friend further asked, “But your wife is also slim and energetic?”
Grandpa said, “That is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!”
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A billionaire decides to throw a massive party on his 50th birthday.
During the party, he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion there is a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
“I will give anything to the person who swims across that pool,” he says.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests run to the pool to see what has happened. A man is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping. This guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him. He reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine — my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything — for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, sir, what will it be?”
The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”
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A young boy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea pot.
She said “What a wonderful tea pot darling – thank you.”
The boy said “That’s good.”
Mum said “However I already have a tea pot.”
The boy replied “No you haven’t – I broke it.”
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A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”
“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”