Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and the Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
…
..
.
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
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A newlywed couple was still enjoying their honeymoon phase, but there was one small hiccup – the wife wasn’t exactly a master in the kitchen.
On their first night at home, the husband came home from work to find her looking a bit sheepish. “I’m so sorry, I burned dinner,” she admitted.
The husband smiled and said, “No problem, sweetheart. How about we skip dinner and m.a.k.e l.o.v.e instead?”
The next evening, after work, he walked in again to find her apologizing, “I messed up dinner again, darling.”
He grinned and winked, “That’s okay, let’s just head to bed.”
On the third night, when he walked through the door, he was confused to find his wife sitting on the radiator.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
With a playful smile, she replied, “I’m just warming up dinner!”
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One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed
One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed, the wife suddenly asked:
Wife: “Honey… do you think I’ve gained weight?”
The husband (texting on his phone, not looking up): “Uh… a little.”
Silence. Dangerous silence.
Wife: “What do you mean ‘a little’? You actually think I’ve gotten fat?”
Husband (still oblivious): “Well… you asked. I thought you wanted an honest answer.”
Wife: “Do you realize that question was a trap?”
Husband: “A trap? What kind of trap?”
Wife: “A trap to test your love! The correct answer is: ‘No, babe, you’re as stunning as ever.’ Not ‘Uh… a little!’ Oh my god!”
Husband: “But you said you wanted me to always be honest with you!”
Wife: “I want you to be honest with the world, not with me!”
Husband (trying to recover): “I mean… you’ve gained a little, but it’s cute! Like, in a huggable way…”
Wife: “Aha! So you admit there’s been weight gain! Thanks for confirming!”
Husband: “… I feel like I’m on trial right now.”
Wife: “Correct. And you just confessed under oath.”
Husband silently grabs a pillow and blanket.
Wife: “Where are you going?”
Husband: “To the couch. Trying to avoid a five-year sentence.”