“My Children Tell Me It’s My Fault… Because I Didn’t Leave Sooner.”
I never thought I would say this out loud.
But here I am.
I am a mother of three. I live abroad. I married for love — or at least I thought it was love. I chose him myself. I even went against my family to be with him.
And maybe… that was my first mistake.
After our first child was born, everything changed.
The nights out became normal.
The alcohol.
The gambling.
The other women.
I didn’t leave.
Not because I was weak.
Not because I couldn’t survive alone.
But because I was a mother.
I could have raised my children alone — maybe even better. But how do you make your children fatherless because of their father’s foolishness?
So I stayed.
I endured the humiliation. The lies. The nights waiting. The excuses. The apologies that came too late. The promises that were never kept.
I forgave him for years.
And slowly… the love died.
Not loudly. Not dramatically.
It just disappeared.
Now we live in the same house like strangers. I cook. I work. I bring bread home. I act like everything is normal.
But my heart knows the truth.
He never truly loved me. He loved what I gave him. Papers. Stability. A home to return to after living the life he wanted.
The worst part?
My children are grown enough to understand.
They look at me and ask,
“Mom… why didn’t you leave sooner?”
That question cuts deeper than any betrayal ever did.
Because they saw everything.
They saw their mother cry.
They saw the disrespect.
They saw the humiliation.
And now they don’t have love for their father anymore.
And I wonder…
Was I protecting them?
Or was I teaching them that this is what love looks like?
I endured almost 20 years like this.
People say, “Just leave.”
They don’t understand.
Leaving isn’t just walking out a door.
It’s breaking a family.
It’s changing your children’s world forever.
But staying… staying also breaks something.
Maybe I sinned by allowing my children to grow up in that environment.
Maybe this is my punishment for not listening to my parents when they warned me.
But one thing I know for sure:
Living without love is one of the heaviest things a woman can carry.
You can have a house.
Money.
Food on the table.
But if there is no love, the home feels empty.
So to every young girl reading this:
Listen to your mother.
Listen to your father.
Do not rush into love just because it feels urgent.
Pray for a man who fears God.
Pray for respect.
Pray for peace.
Because love without respect becomes suffering.
And no child deserves to grow up watching their mother endure pain in silence.