It was the third day, my husband, Joe,
had been in the intensive care unit following his fifth surgery for the removal of most of his remaining small intestine. The surgery took significantly longer than expected. Joe was older and weaker, and he wasn’t responding.
As I sat beside his bed, two nurses tried repeatedly to get him to cough, open his eyes, move a finger – anything to let them know he could hear them. He didn’t respond. I sat praying to God to please help Joe respond – any sign that he might survive.
Finally, one of the nurses turned to me and suggested that perhaps if she knew something personal about our family, she could try to stimulate his response with that knowledge. She said, “Maybe you, as his daughter, could help us with such information.”
I smiled and said, “I’ll be happy to give you personal information, and thank you for the compliment, but I’m his wife of forty-three years, not his daughter, and we’re about the same age.” The nurse looked at me and said, “The entire staff thought you were his daughter and had even commented how wonderful they thought it was that his daughter was with him all the time.”
As they were expressing how I looked so young, a little cough came from my husband, and we all turned to stare at him. He didn’t open his eyes, but loud and clear he said, “She dyes her hair!”
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A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k. lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
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Woman Suffering in Pain.
Her husband strokes her back and says,
“I’m sorry sweety, you have to go through this.”
She says, “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault.”
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“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
“Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out.
“I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said.
“By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.
“Yes.”
“What did it say?”
“Don’t stand up in the car!”