Two elderly women were out driving in a big car. Both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again, and again they went right through. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through, so she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have k*lled us!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?”
Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary.
They sit down and after a while Mary says: “How foolish of me! I haven’t even offered you coffee.”
So she gets up and gets the coffee.
Some time later, old Mary says: “How foolish of me! I haven’t even offered you coffee.”
So again she gets the coffee.
Half an hour later, the scene repeats for the third time. Finally the two ladies say goodbye.
“Mary is acting really weird, don’t you think?” says the first one.
“All the time we spent there, she hasn’t even offered us coffee!”.
The second one looks at her in amazement: “What? You’ve been to see Mary, and you haven’t even invited me??”
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”