A blond man is in the bathroom, and his wife shouts, “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…” It’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”
The blond man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope, “DO NOT BEND.”
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.
“The rope should be around your neck,” says the guard.
“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?
To which the blonde man replies: If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”
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One afternoon, this blonde drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax.
On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
Blonde rolls down the window and says, “How can I help you?”
“I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?”
With a smile in his face, blonde hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, blonde stops, cranks down the window, and says, “What can I do for you?”
“I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?”
Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of cola and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, blonde decides to stop one last time, rolls down his window, and yells, “Let me guess. You`re the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you want?”
“Driver`s license and registration, please.”